Underland, a soft asylum.

Give desolation a chance.

2012-01-05T22:05:00.000-08:00

Many a days I have passed with gloom and sadness around me and wondered why I have fallen in love with it. It is not depression or desperation but just melancholy that attracts me. I have reveled in rainy and winter seasons when people take shade and protect themselves from harsh weathers, the empty streets and roads provide me with peace from the mad world we constantly find ourselves embroiled in. I have chased darkness and shunned light, preferring to reach the end of the night, knowing I was constantly wasting a dawn. Owls and bats have been closer friends and pets than robins and sparrows. I still carry, although buried somewhere, a zest for life, as we have stooped to live it. I have nothing against happiness or bliss, except that it is momentary. The pain however last a lost longer. In times of sadness, I have often dug deep to glance on those questions and search for answers to things I have feared. The feeling is similar to being lost in a tunnel with darkness on either side, the lack of direction providing that thrill of adventure, while exploring for secrets. Those moments when time stops to look upon me and mock me while I struggle to put two and two together and find a way. The echoing sounds of crickets chirping around me, complementing those screams of anguish inside my head, act as a perfect catalyst to dip me into a hole. A rut is settling in as emptiness creeps inward like a misty fog to engulf the spaces left by those things I have denounced.
Even in a group of people, I have felt strange and isolated, as if I am all alone, unwanted. Loneliness doesn't have a pause switch, though it can make life seem a lot longer. During those times I have looked in places I never knew existed. Sadness acts as a key to those doors covered by layers of happiness ivy. Dreaming of castles of solitude, I wander forlorn with time besides me, hoping to spring hope from hollowness. Isolation breeds retrospect. A spell in a dungeon is more creative than gatherings of multitude. With time and voices as my only companions, I follow that lonely road towards making myself a better person in my own mind. It is during those times, when I can really be a judge of those things that matter and those that don't. I feel vain reflecting on trifles I had used as floats to make my existence bearable. What good is me being present in a pub when I am still serving time inside my head?
Desolation and solitude are cornerstones not only for discovering myself and my feelings but also developing my wit to mask them from others. I have often found humor as a cloak to hide the void inside me. Sadness is indeed introspectively funny if given a chance.

Just about time to turn....

2012-01-01T11:50:00.000-08:00

I can think of no good reason to quit. It seems a waste of time to get rid of a harmless monkey and join in a charade to while away life. I had traded so much for those hours inside my head, that I had lost all tabs. It was a lonely and alone journey, either way, a decorated reality or a flawed illusion. There was no reason for me to switch lanes, and cut back to mundane, still, I had to follow those signs. The signs around me had changed or rather gotten hazier, more confused. Some had told me to keep straight towards obscurity, but some however scary, told me to come back into reality.
Though I never really know where I am going in life but there is a resonating feeling or a sign to convince me, that may be, just may be I am in a right direction. Times when signals echoed feelings and justified means. Everywhere I looked, I found hidden and well placed clues of fate. Never mattered if I was going through dense forests or dark tunnels or doors, something was telling me that I would find it. The pieces would themselves fit into place, all I was supposed to do was keep riding the wave. Nothing would ever go wrong, and even if it did, there would always have been a replay button, one last hit.
It has been different these few days. Something always has felt amiss. As if those squirrels tugging at nerves in my brain were being attacked by furious monkeys. There was a lurking fear that times were changing, had to catch a drift and let myself be blown away or stomp my foot down and try to weather ancient storm. It seemed like a game where levels had gotten tougher, time had decreased, yet I wished to complete more number of things. The ceaseless buzzing of a mosquito drowned noises inside my head, as I lay inside a cupboard, trying to justify to the voice that I had to stop listening to it for some time. There were no reasons.
Even after returning back to the horde, I would cherish those times inside my head. There were numerous things to relearn. I was returning to a world where money had replaced books as treasure. Not only would I have to forgo old rituals, but now make new routines, habits and indulgence. Replace innocence with a streak of ruthless, mask it with gentle false pretensions. Devote more time to others.
Before leaving no trails and wandering into unknown, I had to give one real try of coming back to life. Before I helped script another myth of a lost soul on a journey, I owed an attempt at a legend with my psychological Gremlins.

A dark beginning

2011-12-06T05:28:00.000-08:00

Its only after I realized that I had to think twice, to confirm, whether I am talking within a dream or a reality, that I felt the need to control the good and the demon inside me. There is a Sal Paradise and a Dean Moriarty in every one of us. One a lazy listener and other a crazy agent.
The darkness had to be trapped. Is darkness a black flame or absence of light?
I had been following those designs never once doubting it wasn't going to be all better. How innocent I was to believe that I could achieve a purity of thought and then go back to the way I had always lived like. A god inside was switched on during the day, the devil filled my ears during the night, overcome by guilt at dawn, it was all equally pleasurable, I failed to differ. There was a choice I had to make, the devil was too tempting to resist.
Inception if it isn't just the beginning. Germination. A tiny idea, evolving, formulating and taking shape in our head. Amazingly enough it consumes my existence. The little game which Jim Morrison had also referred to. Playing it inside your head, where the world within becomes a strange yet simple world. The world outside the window seemed stranger and more frightening, distant. Fearing the heat while making friends with the cold. Detached. No connections, lost like a bird flown away by the harsh winds. Yet hopeful.
"Truth shall find you", signs consoled, "You are just a sojourner". Reading is as much pleasure as listening, but aren't all those voices just an echo. The dark passenger, it yearns to be unleashed, there seemed no harm. Would it lead to the truth? The reality, when all those perceptions are drawn away like sordid curtains to fill our mind with sunshine. Travel that road down inside your head listening to a craving voice.

Peace comes with a price. The path of the devil might just lead to a backdoor of heaven. Truth and knowledge are your companions on the road to excess towards the palace of wisdom.
Was bitterness ever worth the time and happiness ever worth the money.
Would I not prefer a heaven or a hell over any earth, death being common to both choices.

"Wake up! You can't remember where it was Had this dream stopped?" , Awake from An American Prayer by Jim Morrison.

"Confusion
No connections
Come 'ere
I love you
Peace on earth
Will you die for me?
Eat me
This way
The end" ,
Jim Morrison Angels and Sailors from An American Prayer.

"People with virtue must speak out;
People who speak are not all virtuous."
"Never hesitate to ask a lesser person.",
Confucius.

It is indeed strange that I had filled my time with nuances than immense concentrations.

So when the musics over.....

2011-12-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Something wrong, something not quite right,
Something wrong, something not quite right,
It may not last, till the end of the night,
Till the end of the night...
Universe has set the wheels in motion,
Will you follow the path to the other side...?

People around have conspired,
It will happen just as they transpired,
It won't matter what you had desired,
There are no dreams that you admired...

The line around you is moving,
Try all you want but its not stopping,
When will you know...
You are chasing a shadow.

Desperation...
Crossroads of confusion,
Lack of confirmation,
Lets feel lost on a highway of seclusion,
and not live in a cage of bright illusion..

Burn away,
Burn away..
lets live a life,
lets breathe out in the open,
lets shout at the top of our voice,

rot away, before it gets bright,
recording dreams at night,
chasing white rabbits in their flight,
wanting to reach that other side,
Lets live a life...

Give me a hint,
show me a sign,
grant me a look,
send me a book,
catch me on a hook,
drop me a line,
burn me with fire,
drown me in a mire,
set my funeral pyre,
tell me a word,
message me a bird,
Its almost time,
send me a sign,

Dreams will get clear when the end is closer,
The light will fade and the music will soon be over..

A stoner life

2011-11-27T22:11:00.001-08:00

He is a lunatic with a rhetoric interior,
Spending life driving pleasure out of drugs and drinks,
He never shaves, doesn't give a thought to his career,
A hedonist grows, while a slave shrinks.

An apartment or a cave,
They look pretty much all the same,
Shelter, cloth and food, his needs are crude,
A putrefying body, a purifying soul.

Longing for love, friends, teachers and loneliness,
He is happily lost on a road through a dark tunnel,
Madness, they called it,
It is simply a will to be weird.

He behaves normally,
As a calm straight hippy,
No desire, no yearning for a pot of gold,
Just a hunger unsatisfied, and dizzy highs to explore.

A shabby exterior he looks upon, gazing into a mirror,
lost, aimless and desperate it glares,
Wondering with amazement at his own earthy form and reflection,
reminiscing sacrifices, as he pushed those boundaries of reality.

Resurrect and polish, they crooned,
Get a hold, join this raging, mad herd,
spend life on collecting furniture, car and money,
carry them to a worthless grave, they chaffed.

To him, life is blissful, yet cruel,
he finds soft death more comforting,
Yearns for peace, and a clear, untroubled, unburdened, unprejudiced mind,
wishing he could show others, what he had just heard.

G..U..JJ..U... gujju !!

2011-11-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

It took me a rather long battle to win in my head before writing this. The incidents might be framed or rather fictitious, any serious consideration is deeply forbidden.

Love is in air for our dear Gujju. He has searched for it, begged for it, lusted it, yet never found it, up until now. He ties new bonds, and enters realms of those sacred dreamy promise-lands. That too with a girl. Unbelievable. Believing myself to be the best man, it is an honor to roll in the credits before a silent warrior-within takes on his journey, finally with a pillion rider for his FZ, which he had incidentally bought using my money. This saintly, pure at heart, "gujju "warrior is a picture of resolute determination towards conquering those battles inside his head. The question of "WHAT? WHAT sagar WHAT?" is still being sought for answers. Those scars are deep, they kept him a hungry lusty beast.

We all had our doubts about Gujju. Adi, and I, with utmost horror recall those nightly-adventures of Gujju with SunnyKaBaap. A signal filled with love and a gentle reminder of "its night, lets sleep", was foreplay for a night of sheer terror, for people, sleeping in adjoining rooms, filled with creaking sounds of rusty springs from a battered mattresses, broken by muffled shrieks. Pain and pleasure. Immense ferocity ending in a soft embrace. The result of those nights was a broken back for one and lust-satisfied blissful day for the other. Despite those ghastly, goose chasing, bumpy nights, we now are glad to hear that it had not left a mental scar on Gujju. He is straight but with a lingering back ache. After a lot of pleading and begging for mercy, the lord has shown our Gujju a "straight" road. Love is finally in air.

Gujju is still the machine we all admire, for his neatness and adherence to schedule, be it washing his clothes or shaving his beard. Even the speed at which he eats his food is timed to schedule. It is his heart that is priceless. We, the "Burger Generation", pledge sincere loyalty to him who saved us from starving. We owe our dog-like loyalty and faithfulness to Gujju. He would inadvertently break his sleep to fetch some food for us lazy fat asses. He would feed us water. In case of emergency, we could safely bank on using Gujju's soap, comb, razor, towel, milk, clothes, socks, even wear his jockeys in some instances, when the maid had lifted ours. He wouldn't mind, and even if he did, we really never cared of it then. But now that he is stepping into a new land, leaving a gaping hole in our lives, and no free rides to have cold cocoas, we stop to get a hold of those moments.

Gujju will remain in my memories as an under utilized stud, a gujju stallion with no one to ride. He has seen more action at night with "Lina" and "rikimaru" in forests of dota than in real life. A true geek, with solid interiors and attractive exteriors, more appreciated with guys than girls. A true brother, who carried his own birthday cake from the bakery. A real gem.

My parting words would be stolen from Johnny Depp and altered to make me appear enlightened. "Life is not so much about the destination, which for all of us is death, but the journey, which is bliss if traveled upon with the right companion".

On the Road

2011-11-22T00:50:00.001-08:00

"They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" .. "

This much is true: You can't burn out if you're not on fire. ..

2011-11-19T06:46:00.001-08:00

Life is as simple as we want it to be. A draining but purposeful journey, to search for that we call happiness, in our own dwarfish narrow worlds. Craving to expand our horizons beyond those constrained by our vision, knowing those chains that bind us to reality, become a charming burden to bear. A reason, providing fake solace to ones wandering mind, watering the ashes of a tigers wrath into fodder for a trained bull. Misleading us into pastures of prudence, away from cliffs of dreams. Yet we all live, waiting, just like a cigarette butt, glowing for one last moment before it fades away, wondering, whether it will leave behind a black searing shadow on a white surface or a white illusion of ash on a black one.

Madmans Scribblings

2011-11-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

World would be a lot cooler if we could all discover the "amazing" inside our heads.

I have the mental scars to prove the predictability of my unpredictability.
It is not me, but the presence of a set of preconceived perceptions about me, that you are talking to.

From Hell.

2011-11-14T21:53:00.000-08:00

Dwelling upon those mysteries of life,
I pondered, sore and tired,
Can any hell be more terrible than the present,

We forsake time to save more money,
Slavery, it has become our middle name,
Society, it has bound us, obstinate as a mule,
Television, brings us soft death, every hour

Life's joy,
More fleeting than a comet,
Its pain, stays forever.
Collect those tiny timbers, to make ourselves a boat,
Row across the ocean, hoping to meet an uninvited visitor.

Prisoners own their cells,
Kings cherish their throne,
bloodbath either one has caused,
One gets time for retrospect, other gets a gemstone.
Generals lead us into wars,
Warrant medals for their bravery,
A killer, we take his life away for butchery,
Murders roam our streets,
Vowing to protect us.

Yearn to acquire soulful wisdom,
lead my way through that dark hour,
Death, wild haired, will bring us peace,
unwelcome and undesired,
Myriad of miniscule trifles,
consume our existence,
Cribbing, lusting, we rot, until death finds us.
Where is the child who believed in miracles,
Where is the innocence in simple plays with street urchins,
Where is the will to dream,
To conjure castles, to date fairies, to fight monsters and rescue hapless villagers.
Confined in a labyrinth,
Is our present any different from a matrix, devoid of free will.
For man likes not to travel inside his head,
yet call himself an artist,
Never take a detour, to find universe in a grain of sand,
to lie under the stars,
yet Man has advanced, from living in caves to pigeon holed apartments.

Yet we disapprove of death, our only friend,
Set us free to limitless joy,
Rid us of troubles,
Open those doors,
Cleanse our soul, so we can perceive,
The devil promises infinite, God restrains desires.

Aimless and lost.

2011-11-13T02:40:00.000-08:00

"Are you a writer", it asked of him.

No words came out yet. I am a lost traveler, he said to himself. Searching for a thing which should be sought more. May be it doesn't even exist. There must have been people before me, who would have gotten lost. Meaning of life, inner peace, a guiding hand in the wilderness, a lonely charm, tranquility in thought, access to deepest secrets of the universe. The little game inside the gold mine, our head.
I often feel like a bystander on a highway, waiting, for a blue bus. Watching cars pass by. The make, reflected the drivers' soul. Those souls had immersed into a myriad of materialistic obsessions, craving freedom. Life too just like most cars on that highway, never stopped for those who stood and wander. With an irony in the face that it often passes by unnoticed , remembered more for a set of unforeseen calamities.
Looking heavenwards, the sky, it seemed a lot calmer. Clouds scattered across, breaking blue plains with tiny white specs of cotton, yet, thick enough to engulf the light. A gentle cool breeze washing his face, bringing sounds of laughter from the west to his ears. Birds gliding along. Chirping, perhaps asking questions of the wind. A lonely bee, wandering, having lost a scent of treasured flowers, rests on a hook, as it take a break from its search. A pigeon flapping vigorously trying to untangle itself from leaves, branches. It had been entrapped while searching for a place to build its nest.
Universe has conspired. It always has. The idea has been simple and yet never understood. Blinding, to keep everyone searching for ways to make themselves feel happiness, to have an illusion of control over what we call life. A momentary sense of pleasure, to help its secrets remain hidden in plain sight.
Sky is a lot calmer, he thought.

"Are you a writer", it asked again.
"No, I am just a sojourner in civilized society".

Madness or Precision

2011-11-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

Each second ticking through,
Presence, was all it asked of us,
Beckoning us to follow a timer sound,
Awaken to an inevitable truth.
Riding a new high,
Waiting for a new sun,
Realizing a futility in reason and judgement, cage that last fleeting glimpse of glory,
Living, waiting for the end to come.
Engulf us, the flames, glazing, gold, a stove of knowledge.
It will burn us, its our salvation.

As it is, ... infinite

2011-10-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

Amazement, the smog draws near. To take us to green forests. Peals of laughter, shoulder to cry upon, these friends will lead us to dangers ahead. We travel, we earn, we eat, we love, we worry, but it eventually ends in a shallow bed. Moments of inner peace, reflection, retrospection. Simplicity, thoughts floating like single clouds on a clear day, pale blue. No more quests, no more journeys, tired bodies needing rest. A break from the soft parade. Masquerading as student or teacher, the needy or the helper, the one or the just another one, takes its toll. Draw your eyes closer. Take a dip with us.

We are back. Into a dream. Or is this life?

Unison, confused yet in control. The lack of sense, yet a clarity of idea. Childlike innocence, no more judgement. Hunger. Break the rules by which our thoughts had been bound into a narrow corridor. Enjoy talents, creations, give rise to new elder forests. Break through religions, start a cult. Celebrate love and laughter, swim into a river, whirling and undulating. It will lead us to banks, trails leading us to doors. Taking us through mysterious lands. Feeling the true existence of every moment. With music as our only friend. Friends as our only companion.

The time is up. The parade will begin soon. Grant us one more hour to glorify this day. Shower the time with remembrance. Bring back a treasure before we leave in search of soft lies. Wait for the dawn, draw a mask and move ahead. Yet yearn to be paroled, for forever, before death draws near. Vagaries of life, whether to live now or die, trying to live some other day. Who will remember us? Why are we bound to the eyes that lie and the arms that chain. Is it the end, or do I have to watch this same reel again, waiting for being cast.

Have you been born yet or unconsciously gazing at an echo?

Ship of fools !!

2011-09-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Is knowing as easy as people show it is. The mystery behind knowing it all: It is not so mach about finding the meaning of a doors song, but to enjoy a meaning totally having forgotten the earlier one upon its discovery in a previous ritual. A mirage spawns on every song, a glow of colors, a stage, with a caesaresque-poet, delivering a sermon, trying to lead his people into corners of truth and turmoil. Where confusion is no longer an enemy, but a key to opening any door which could lead into air over an abyss. The excitement, hysterical peals of childish laughter, of lost ways and conversations, followed by sudden and utter silence, unison, waiting for the scream of the butterfly. These secrets are dark, humongous, make you feel lost. One feels restless, like searching for "a strangers hand, in a desperate land." That hand is leading all of us into our journeys. Journey to various places, to find various treasures, to commit mistakes and learn from them. The journey continues, but there is a latent feeling, of bidding goodbye, the hand will set us free, leaving only a chain of thoughts. This message, gets lost within a poster of Scarface or in a city of tall structures, now rubble. The thoughts, either make no sense or have obscured only to be constructed back on a later ritual. I am awake. Or closed to a world of magic.

Madmans Quibblings

2011-09-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

The problem is, I have forgotten half the things.. and i was too dazed to remember the other half !! In fact I took Jim Morrison's quote of "learn to forget" way too seriously ... All that remains is a hazy past, filled with long cryptic nights, misty dawns, sounds of laughter in the air, a rumbling stomach and random clues to trips with friends surrounded. Only persistent feeling was that of joy, child like happiness, everything was dazed and confused, and yet simple and exactly how it should have been. Wondrous bliss filled each noon as I scanned my fading memory for which month it was, remembering the day seemed too arduous and ridiculous a task.
All i knew was that the future was uncertain and the end was always near with a past forgotten and a confused present .....

Madmans Quibbling ....

2011-07-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

Spirituality is often mistaken for religion. It is not so much about finding a God to worship but finding the God within oneself. Any connection with the soul or an activity that bring true inner peace and invokes contemplation on a superior level could well be Spiritual..

So you think you can tell...

2011-07-17T00:07:00.000-07:00

Everything is "written" or so as it is said. Life has a complicated yet beautiful way of functioning in circles. Decisions or choices which are already made are thrust upon us to be re made, simply to make us believe that we are in control. Situations manifest themselves in ways such that we are made to believe that we manipulate the choice we make, in accordance with the one that is already "written", and still feel in control. Are we are the ones controlling and leading our life towards our destiny, or some external hand that is incessantly leading us down the path. If the latter is true, then how much are we in control. Who is the one who "writes" it all down and scripts it ever so brilliant to make the matrix seem non existent. "There is someone in my head but its not me". Brilliant poets have emphasized that when you don't know where you are going, any road will lead you to it in some words or others. Even to the extent that you can not change the direction of the wind, but you can change your course to suit it.

How do you reach "IT" when you do not even know where you are going. Is it a simple case of the aimless never getting lost. Would you trust the invisible force to do justice? Do we own our lives or we are just a medium through which a hidden director films a bigger picture? Can you simply hang yourselves on someone Else's words or in this case, unheard scripts?

I have felt at peace and eternal bliss when i have let the script run its course. Somehow it has felt better when i haven't tried to control things that have happened but rather enjoy them unraveling itself in front of me. I felt in sync. Sync with simplicity and easiness. "No more money, No more fancy dress, the other kingdom seemed by far the best, until it reveals the jaws of incest". Why does Jim Morrison say, he had to set us free, since we will never follow him. He knew something, the magnificent and well read poet that he was, but he couldn't tell it to us. He had been through "The doors" and often come back to leave us clues. Clues that could only help us. It was his job, as a shaman, to help the erring fools bound by material gains.

It was so vivid, lucid and omnipresent, yet unnervingly beautiful that we wouldn't have understood its cardinality. Until and unless we ourselves are the discovers, it has no meaning, no emphasis, no importance, the lesson has lost its meaning.

Jim Morrison poem.

2011-06-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

Moment of inner freedom
when the mind is opened and the
infinite universe revealed
& the soul is left to wander
dazed & confus'd searching
here & there for teachers & friends.

The sum quote of my life

2011-05-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

Pain heals, Chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.

This post is not just a dialogue from the movie Replacements. It means the world to some of the people who can relate to it. Those some who have in some way or other have sacrificed a part of their lives to celebrate a Genius. Those some who are not related by blood but by passion for the ONE. Just so that it never gets lost in the mindless messages on facebook i want to keep it b"logged". Whenever the going gets tough, belief and hope are tiny rays of light escaping through cracks in rocks into the darkest caves. No amounts of eloquent words, waxing lyrics, ballads of victory can do justice to what this inspires in the men who know what the words in that post mean. It is the light of Elendil.

This is what many lived for, this is what they will tell their kids and grand kids, this is what i would want to read before i bid adieu.

A Rangers Quibbling

2011-04-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

I can live in a tree house with just my horse than be a caretaker of a mansion and a job ...

Madmans Quotes

2011-02-21T09:39:00.001-08:00

It becomes even more difficult to explore the unknown when you have lost the difference between known and unknown !!

Reality is a relative term.

journey to the Treasure Chest !!!

2011-02-20T21:40:00.000-08:00

"Desire!!" It is what keeps me alive. A desire to find the Treasure Chest, based on the faith that everyone of us have a destiny to fulfill. I wander through time and ages seeking that treasure, finding intermediate clues along the journey. The journey through vast barren lands, encountering numerous treacherous peaks and varying changes of climate. Hair, color, hygiene all take a back seat as I move single minded towards the treasure chest. Upon reaching this final destination, the joy of discovering the gold, is often brindled by a lingering question, "What did I cherish most, the journey or the treasure?"
The journey made us what we are but the treasure drove us in the first place. This journey is what i will bank on for future, but will I have the same passion for the next treasure? Would the journey hold the same significance had I come to an end and realized there is no treasure chest awaiting?
Is it really fair to reveal the contents of the treasure chest to a fellow traveler who is still searching? Does he want the momentous pleasure of getting a treasure hunter badge , or does he seek the knowledge and truth that the journey offers. Who makes this decision?
This could be another intermediate clue towards my treasure.

It has to happen !!

2011-02-18T03:02:00.000-08:00

19th Feb 2011, might just be the start of the most memorable sporting event I would have ever followed. When the clock strikes 12 here in LA, Ravi Shastri might be tossing a memorabilia coin. The gravity of occasion dawns upon me only when I become Mr. "NICE!!". Thinking forward is a road I just cannot afford to travel, because that road takes me to a day when the single most Iconic figure in my life, would never play in a One Day international. I have spent a major part of 19 years of my life celebrating and witnessing GOD himself take part in Cricket. Pleasure, pain, breakdowns, sorrow, joy, adrenalin, passion have all been part of this journey. It is a pity I missed 3 years of HIS batting, (i donot remember that time of my life.. though i cannot think of anything i could have been doing better than watching HIM bat).
There have been scratchy times when even this devoted follower was more than just losing his faith. May be i just could never digest the fact that even GOD can fail at times. I have had anger bouts just because i could never understand how GOD could fail. Even when i wanted CSK to win IPL-3, deep down i couldn't bear the thought of HIM losing.

If there is one thing in my life I am proud of, it is "quit life, watch HIM". 41/51 test centuries live -- quite an achievement. This was apparent when i spent from 3 am to 7 am in a library cell only because HE was batting and me missing even one ball, or moving from my position, or opening my crossed fingers/ toes, or drinking/eating/listening/reading would cause a flutter in the universe and distract GOD from HIS apparent hobby (batting). That day, GOD made 200 !!!

If the "millions.." and "millions.." of ROCK's fan make him the most electrifying man in sports

entertainment, think what "BILLIONS" and "BILLIONS" of GOD's fan make HIM. There are more than just a few million people who would stay awake at un-GOD-ly hours on 19th Feb, just to watch HIM. This sheer stat is enough to show the passion that one man inspires. Is it not apt that half the world stands still when GOD is busy playing !!!

HIS batting gave people hope that even super heroes existed. There could be "miracles" (when He tried bowling). That hard work and determination could lead you to achieve mind numbing achievements. That quitting in face of defeat was just not an option. That respect was earned not demanded. That fame, money and pride can go hand in hand with humility. That national pride could give a high, which no substance abuse could. If there could be a ideal human, it was HIM, but after all HE is not human, at least for me.

I am at loss of words regarding to what i would do after HE retires from cricket. I have spent all my conscious and semi-conscious years following HIM. I just donot know life without HIM. All my years are catalogs of something HE achieved that year. e.g. 1998.. i remember HIS bday (even Warne does :-) ), but i dont recall mine own. I have categorically had the best day and worst day of my life because of HIM. The retirement thought is crushing but the honor of witnessing a career of such magnitude drives me on. There is an entire generation which grew and molded themselves on HIM.

Religion might teach us to kill/ divide/ ostracise people. But my religion is sports and my heroes are not mud deities but in flesh and blood. Our GOD has united a country which has more than 1,652 dialects... in each of those dialects god means Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar !!

Madmans Scribblings

2011-01-24T02:16:00.000-08:00

Albert Einstein Quote :
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Sanity is opposite of Insanity.
But Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, this is exactly what every human does.
So every human is Insane.
There is no concept of Sanity, when it doesn't exist.
There is a fine line between Insanity and Genius. Well since everyone is Insane, everyone has an equal chance of crossing "the fine line" towards Genius.

p.s. I hope it makes any iota of sense in the morning..

Madmans squibbling .. contd..

2011-01-24T01:55:00.000-08:00

Rather than a blog, this is a short note on weird stuff going on in my brain. If rated, it could well range from ridiculous shit to Freudesque garbage.. Reading this is highly discouraged... I have listened to an hours worth of a lecture on THE DOORS, before that i had got really "better"..

What is the smallest unit of life? A collection of years, which in short is a collection of months, days, hours, minutes and seconds. The smallest unit of life is may be present or "NOW". But what do we do at "NOW", we either think of what he did before "NOW" at an earlier "NOW" or what we will do after "NOW" at a later "NOW".

So when we get to now (five seconds later... ), the moment that we thought of at an earlier "NOW", all we are doing is not the thing that we want to do now, but thinking of what we had said at a previous "NOW". There in comes the phrase, "live in the moment". If humans started doing that, it would result in chaos, confusion. That is the reason why we bank on the past and look to the future, and pee on the present. (RDB)...

Rating a day happy or sad or bad now takes a really interesting turn. When we are not concentrating on "NOW" and missing what we are doing "NOW", and not celebrating "NOW", how can we say how we felt in the last minute, which makes up the last hour, which makes up the last day, and slowly adds to life.

"Where's your will to be weird? ", Jim Morrison. Weirdness is will to live in NOW !!!

The legend of Toma-Hawk !!!

2011-01-21T00:59:00.000-08:00

p.s. Humor lies in the head of the reader.. A little discretion when commentating will be appreciated..

Buchanaan is back.... and he couldn't be happier. Yeah in the literal sense of the word. The fog has now spread to his inner head.

There are T-7 days to the biggest event of our (all those people who spent their life in 680-622-420-651 all fateful rooms in F block) lives. It might turn out be bigger and more significant than 20-12-2012. Our tall KAANhiya's little major will see the battlefield. After millions of hours of net practice, hard work, dedication, constant nagging by JUDIpopo and Technical Improvement Sessions by SUNNYkabaap, he finally makes his Test Debut. It is a momentous occasion, something on the lines of Sachin Tendulkar making his debut.

Though Sachin made his debut at a slender of age of 17, this Master Blaster had not even realised his potential till 22. To put things in right perspective, at 17, there are chances our Kaanhiya might have not even known how to put a "grip" on his willow, least of all know that he had a "willow".

All of his net practice experience will have to be called upon when he strides on to play his first innings. This is uncharted territory for the young lad. Getting used to the pitch and bounce and seam will be crucial. The first session is crucial, keeping control of his wicket while scoring runs at a steady pace is what the experts (Arun-LALA... ) would recommend. But underestimate or predict on your own peril, since the aggressive intent might just works wonders like his hero Viru. He will be hoping to fare and cope better than his statemate Raina and "ride" the bounce.

Although there is no T20 or Odi experience to bank on, the sheer volume of the potential stands on this young mavericks side. He has seen leaps and bounds and bounced back a better person and player every time. The Toma-Hawk might have been under utilized under Punter's captaincy during the latter part of KAANhiya's career but we all know what he is capable of.

To end on a serious note, Buchanaan as usual awaits the match stats and bulletin, since this match is not telecast live, much to the chagrin of many people, not even the LIVE COMMENTARY or Cricinfo Updates..

To really end on a serious note, a century on debut or a fifer will be cherished and applauded, but even a match winning three-fer like Zak or a Laxmanesque match winning 70 odd with the "tail", will be mentioned in the annals of how-we-made-our-debut.

Well seriously being serious, Buchanaan from his heart or head or fog, will be looking forward to when KAANhiya just like the old days of first year gives him advice and leads the way. Just like cricket, Buchanaan will want KAANhiya to help him when he tries to stride for his foray. We all want to wish him the best of luck and bless him in this new phase of his life. A lifetime of happiness and success.

Just remember, "Play your natural game", this is what DADA advised Viru when he bashed and smashed NZ for his first odi century.
"Play your natural game through the PAIN", this what Buchanaan advises his VIRU !!!

Your MIND is the scene of crime

2010-11-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

"This is the strangest life that i have ever ... known ... ",
James Douglas Morrison.

Just like beauty, Genius too lies in the head of the beholder.

Where am i? When did it all start? What is at the end of it? Would you want it to END?
Thrown into middle of somewhere. Wandering around, looking and staring at wondrous objects, trying to make a connection, with awe and gaping mouth. I have seen this before. But recalling or placing it in the right place seems impossible or rather the last thing on your mind. Are you wandering inside your head. Playing the little game that Jim referred to. A place where music is seen and colors are heard. A place where thoughts are not just fleeting ideas, they are like doors, each door leads to a new adventure.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thru' narrow chinks of his cavern.", William Blake.

I just remembered i had taken one of the doors, to land in this place. I want to continue finding answers. I was not alone, i recalled, there were a few who along with me wanted to cleanse their "doors of perception".
May be they took different doors, I try to find them, but cannot see them anywhere. I know i can feel that each one of them is wandering through the same plane. Should I open my eyes.
Coming back from a limbo .. aka Inception style.. I make a contact with reality, well they are all here, in the same room. Was I in this room all this time? How much time has passed? Were they in same places that i had been? We make contact, look at each other, dazed eyes, smiling faces, the feeling of knowing something had happened, something which need not be spoken or written. The song changes, laughter all around. Is this laughter the signal of a dawn of a new wave. A new wave which will carry me back to ....

Is this real? When you are plunged out of the ocean or a kaleidoscope where each dot of is a pixel, composed of red, green and blue, slowly decomposing into their natural hues. All this just by the sound of music.
The feeling.. Is equivalent to falling into an abyss.. Or is it the sheer joy of discovering something that existed but never realized.. Or is it of fear, that i would never be back.. Or is it the sadness that this will end..
You just don't know if you are ever going be back to reality. What is reality? A concept which our brain makes us think is true. What if I spent my entire life in a prison or a box. Would that be my reality. What if I was shroomed. Would it just be one bad trip waiting to end. What is time in such a state ..
There is no concept of time when something is endless . So how do u differentiate .. Between something that is eternal or something that is fleeting .. Is it just your mind which makes u feel that way .. Can pain just vanish if the mind wants it to .. Would we remember the pain if there were no scars .. How would it feel to trying to recall the pain after seeing the scar ..

...... Waiting for the .....sun ...... (song end).... eyes open...

Update--- On hindsight, all these relate to When the Music's Over and Waiting for the Sun from the DOORS.

Even Tendulkar can FAIL!!!

2010-02-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

Before people start bashing me only on reading the headline please continue. How a blog can mention that a person who is idolized by 1 billion odd Indian people, be associated with the word FAIL? A person or a legend who has crossed every milestone, won every heart beat, a legend with the power to make the life of 1 billion people frreze only by wielding a wooden cricket bat has eventually also FAILED.
GOD has FAILED in hiding his identity from mere mortals, that his name on earth is SACHIN TENDULKAR. Cricketers can now file complaints with ICC that all this while they were competing against a superior power. May be just to fulfill the universal law, "the whole universe conspires to let you achieve your goal --> leading to beginners luck", is the reason why GOD gave his wicket away to Panesar, Harris, McKay and many other bowlers, so that they never lost heart and followed their passion for cricket.
Here are a few quotes for the legend that is TENDULKAR. (Most of them made by me, an eternal devotee)

Bhagwaan has done it!! now i can retire from cricket in peace.. wait a sec.. we need 10 more centuries, a World Cup, 20k ODI runs, coz ... YEAH DIL MAANGE MORE!!
Sachin got there first, we don't care who the hell Neil Armstrong is !!!
Even what many hackers couldn't accomplish, Sachin has done it, Denial of Service from Cricinfo.---Gopal Shastri
SACHIN is GOD and cricket is his most wonderful creation.. those who doubt this can consider rehabilitation.
Commit all your sins when Sachin Tendulkar is batting, coz it is GOD himself who is batting.
Agar LAGAAN ke time Sachin Tendulkar hota, toh picture bahut choti banti!! Plus Britishers Independence bhi de dete!!
I finally know what god really looks like!! He is about 5"5, Maharashtrian and plays cricket!! Tendulkar bapa moraya --- kunal kapoor twitter

BHARAT RATNA" and "SIR" will probably come along in few months or years time but even those wont reflect the effect Tendulkar can have on life of a follower. I have celebrated each of his innings as if each and every run has been scored by me or a kin, I have criticized him every time he got out because I never understood that GOD wanted his identity to be hidden. Staying up whole night from 1 am to 9 am on an exam day was the best tribute I could give GOD who has given me a religion to cherish for life!!
To sum up then, this is probably the best day of my life, which might not be true, coz when Tendulkar makes 100 100's that would definitely upstage this.

p.s. just to add about the modesty of Tendulkar..:
Long ago there was a Pepsi ad "Sachin ALA RE!!" where Sachin is shown swatting cricket balls with a wicket stump, he was actually asked to use a mosquito swatter but he told the ad director (Prahlad Kakkar) that using a mosquito swatter would show that Sachin is bigger than cricket. He was plain and clear that he won't shot the ad with that script. This shows the respect that Sachin has for the game, despite the adulation received from all quarters.

UPDATE: THIS IS HILARIOUS

Ugly Scenario

2010-02-12T14:21:00.000-08:00

Manchester United being out of FA Cup is indeed turning out to be a blessing in disguise. From being spoilt with a variety of choices on the wings, we are now without Giggs (fractured arm) and Nani (stupid Red Card) for atleast 3 matches. With no matches this weekend, at least we are sure of not adding any more players to the injury department.
The medical table has been over occupied this season at Carrington. At one stage the back four for United read, Giggs, Carrick, Anderson and Fletcher. With such a injury devastated season, United are still only one point off the top. WOW!! As a fan i want them to win, but we have to take into account how poor the squad availability has been to SAF. As if losing Ronaldo was not enough, a spate of injuries to each and every defender, led SAF to call upon the service of kids from the U-18 and reserves squad.
United as usual were written off at the start of this season, which indeed happened every season. No Ronaldo (as if with Ronaldo we were given a chance by the critics ever), no replacement for Ronaldo, no strikers, even the most hardened United fans would have had their doubts. But when in doubt, trust in your GOD, like SRT is GOD for India in cricket, SAF is the GOD here. SAF has had years of experience and when he says, "we need no strikers", who the hell am i to say that we need one.
Even if this season we fall short of Chelsea, it would be said that we missed a striker or Ronaldo, but no one is going to point out the fact that we were without any defenders for a major part of the season.
There is still a long way to go and i have no doubt that the least we going to achieve this season is the Priemer League. The unprecedented four-in-a-row and record breaking 19th title beckons us. But we are all forgetting.. "THIS INDEED IS LIVERPOOL'S year !!"

The most F**ked up i have ever felt.

2009-11-05T10:27:00.001-08:00

Dejected, deflated, devd'd, demotivated is all i felt after praveen kumar was adjudged runout. It is as if the earth stood still. The forlorn feeling had creeped in the moment Tendulkar pulled off a Misbah. Flashes of the Chennai test match vs pakistan flooded the memory where team couldnt score 17 runs after Tendulkar got out.
Nothing can take away the genius from GOD. He played out of his skin, leading a juvenile and dumbass of a talent Raina to forge a partnership which had put us in a winning position.Being an Indian cricket fan i should have been accustomed to these loses but i guess the special innings from Tendulkar and the rejection on his face just doesnt let you digest the fact that TEN DO, TEN DONT. Had Tendulkar scored a century and India had lost by a 100 runs i wont have felt as bad, in fact i would have been celebrating the 45 century. But it is the way GOD single handedly guided us so close .... i am at loss of words for the grief. Cannot even imagine how GOD would be feeling right now.
A match which should have been remembered as the ONE-Where-Tendulkar-raped-Aussies would now be hailed as the ONE-where-Tendulkar-fell-3-runs-short. It would be hailed as an example of the spirit of Australian Cricket to keep fighting even with most of their team injured.
I wish someone would donate a brain and some balls to Jadeja. WTF was he thinking. The way Praveen was pissed at him, i wont be surprized to see the headline "Fast bowler shoots budding youngster".
A day which i should have spent celebrating an innings of a lifetime, i would now be sulking and trying to drown. Please send some bh**ng from India to help me through this phase.
Finally to quote a friend, "Tendulkar sorry, India doesn't deserve you."

Z1 X1 C1

2009-08-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

The travel hassles and the work load of getting back to attending lectures, had left me little time to keeping blogging.
I wanted to dedicate a little space to the Worst captains i have seen, Punter aka Ricky Ponting. It is a wonder the Australians dont see the lack of innovation, the mind numbing dumbness in him on the field as a leader. He tried all sorts of psychological bull shit on England's debutant J Trott only to find himself TAKING A BOW to England as they mercilessly (and thankfully) won the Ashes.
It is no wonder that Punter has lost yet another Ashes and i wont be surprised if he loses another one at home too.
The look on the face of Punter is priceless and will don my desktop wallpaper for days.
I guess it is time for him to call it quits.
BTW, as i write this blog Argentina has yet again lost in the qualifiers. Even though they might qualify through the playoffs, i cant help smiling at the thought of them losing. Feeling happy as the overhyped coach and overhyped players (MessiaAHHH) are suffering the same fate as the Aussies.
Enough with the sports.
Bhai log .... Buchanan has done it .... Z1X1C1.. yeah guys ... he is less veergin than wat he was in India.. macintosh aint the only thing decorating his LAP ... Buchanan has emulated the prince of GOGOLE's achievement.. It aint far before he Lets the world know THAT CODE RED BREACHED!!!
The proudest men at this moment would be Sunny KA BAAP and Judi Popo, their efforts have finally paid off. The confidence shown by Sunny KA BAAP in his closest comrade was the root of the courage. Buchanan unfortunately could not tape his achievement to provide KaanHiya the reason to keep his little soldier awake at unearthly hours at night.
There is news that LALA has a new man in his life !!! The long distance relationship of LALA and Buchanan is off.. aka Love AAJ Kal.. they are even hosting a break up party to celebrate. LALA other soulmate DTM (dehati turned mod) urf ROSS is also gone back home. The betrayal of LALA has left Ross and Buchanan heart broken.

P.S. LISA RAY suffering cancer !! Hope she fights and stays fit !!

"Aife Aife !! Kaife Kaife !! ".. thankfully thiF blog waF not written that way !!!

Same Old Beginning.. (Sob alert :-( )

2009-06-16T13:13:00.001-07:00

p.s. This is going to be a quickie...
p.p.s. Sob Alert II

"It is Monday morning. Yet another usual office day. Hung up after a terrible weekend, Buchanan, waking up, is trying to gather his thoughts. He realizes that today there was no one to shut the drapes. There was no sign of his eternal ROOMIE, the Ipod or mobile Baba, to wake him up to reach his work place. There is no smell of deo in the room, which is weird since Ipod BABA takes a bath in it. The amount of deo he sprays on himself everyday is enough to clear the foul smell of dharavi."
"BinGG!!" The realization is slow and painful. The reality has dawned that this is the aaghaz of yet another same old chapter, and this is just the start of the transition.".....
Buchanan has quit his job. He reaches out to the loo to find out there is no Sunny kaBAAP surfing in the hall doing his two favorite things (having milk with cornflakes and checking cricinfo for latest on the IPL in bangalore in JUDI popos home.)
The thoughts wander to the workplace where Duude and Kakke, the ideal colleagues for Bucha, would be working or rather just completing 9.15 hrs. With the loses Marvel and the Blues are incurring, Kakke would have had some sympathy and words of wisdom. There would have been lots to discuss. Duude on the other hand would have had his head stuck in problems, the root of which is procrastination. Duude is very similar to the prince of GOGOLE, in terms of self destruction. Nostalgia has stuck Buchas inner places.
There is nothing to do for Buchanan. It is said that an idle mind is a devils workplace, Bucha is idle but he is still waiting for his appointment with the devil. That would be some rendezvous. May be the Devil is aware of Buchas talented fundas and scared to arrange the meeting. The day passes on slowly. It is snails pace and with very few thoughts to play around with, the going is tough.
Even though Bucha has been through many changes switching from home to coll, back to home, to one city for training, from there to a city to work in, still this change hurts a lot more than any one of the rest. May be the reason is that Bucha never missed his Bhaiiiis during that time where as now he would be leaving them to reach out to the far off land.
Just like before, Bucha had plenty of Lasts this time too. The farewells just didnot end. People got bored of having the 'LAST DINNER' with Bucha again and again. There was the last brush in the apartment, the last bath, the last supper, the last coffee at office, the last ping, which was utterly painful and heart wrenching, it was to the SOULMATE appropriately, the last mail was again to the soulmate.
Seems like this chapter is going to be really tough, the beginning involving quitting job, roomies and city, and ending in leaving behind family, cousins, country and soulmates.

The perfect song for the occasion is Maachis movies, "chodd aaye hum .. woh galiyaan"....

p.p.p.s The blogger would get back to his vein of writing after the hangover.
p.p.p.p.s The weekend was terrible coz of the Blues loss in the T20 world cup. We can safely blame in on IPL, alien conditions and lots of poor batting, plus not to good captaincy by the otherwise awesome Captain Marvel.

The New Mr. India.. lala

2009-06-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

Ross is on seventh heaven. His efforts in converting two of his dehati apprentices into studs have paid off.
Lala has just won the most Eligible Bachelor in Mangalore in the heavy weight category. It was apparently a tournament where only fat asses could take part in. He faced stiff competition from none other than BALAJI from VIT. They both danced to the tunes of Appadi pode pode pode.
The second achievement of Ross is in making Baniya realize his manhood and finally take part in the WAR, after years of HAND to HAND combat.
Baniya pehlwaan has crossed the milestone with aplomb. Even with his soft and inexperienced tools he dug through mazes of dungeons to strike gold. For his adventures DOWN UNDER, he wins his first MEDAL of honor from none other than Sunny kaBAAP. He has pipped the Sexy boy toy of delhi. The reason being that baniya made rivers flow in barren wastelands down south J. Sexy boy toy also has a reason to smile. He has been awarded a Scholarship to the JudiPopo Institute of SEX (JPIS).
Ross deserves one more special mention. He was the guiding light (with a lantern) helping Baniya to unravel the dark secrets and find his way through the labyrinth. Ross for all his achievements gets to teach a new student KAANhiya in JPIS. Ross is also awarded the lifetime membership award to the cult of ().
KAANiya too cannot help smiling. With the news of his recently discovered talents making rounds, and the latest news of ROSS showing confidence in him, it is only time before he too wins his MEDAL of honor. KAANiya with the little soldier in one hand and the ultrapornographic RADIO in the other has recently discovered the IPL being hosted inside closed walls. The organizer is MODI (bannnnTI). This is some really exciting news for KAANiya. He is ready with his popcorn to listen to two weeks of TRIANGULAR-QUADRANGULAR matches.
Popo yesterday night walked in, to find bannnTI and Buuuubli in farely uncompromising positions, inaugurating the IPL. He was then appointed the guest match referee. Having watched the IPL match from close quarters, he is not very much interested in the radio commentary. Compare this to the desperation of SunnyKaBAAP, all he gets is text feeds on cricinfo bout the IPL from KAANiya. SunnyKaBAAP has resigned to the fact that he will not get lucky in this town. He is studying GRE (Go Raping Everyday).
Popo along with sunnyKaBAAP has introduced a new course in his university. How to get high on TROPICANA GUAVA NECTAR!!!. He has also filed a patent on the same.
Buchanan is searching for new horizons. He is moving out to try his luck in a different continent .. he has the new funda that he was not able to score with his “bat” (more like a gilli from gilli danda) bcoz he was born in the wrong continent.. Lala is still wondering how many continents are there in world. America being the ninth in his list. Lala has filed for divorce and custody of his son the ONE, Prince of Gogole against Buchanan. Lala has also started watching the reruns of devdas, it will allow him to get over the loss of his PARO. His ipod contains the Top Bollywood list of sad songs, starting from TANHAYEE to EMOTIONAL ATYACHAAR. Since this is the modern devdas we are talking about, he won’t be having VODKA or WHISKY, instead he will trust JudiPopo and drink guava nectar to get over PARO.
The hottest topic of the season is will Potli Baba be able to save his bottoms at work. Potli Baba has also started a new service, similar on the lines of what CHANDA performed in DEVD. This service is not limited to national callers, it expands even to overseas and to the continent in the southern hemisphere. Potli Baba has a total of 9987 hair left on his head. It is estimated that in mid December this year we will see him in the new AMRISH PURI look. The callers need not fear, hair or no hair, this pro (sTtute) will still satisfy. Potli Baba is now the right hand of his manager, the reason for the promotion being that the manager is left handed.
There were a lot of people I have not mentioned till now, they will definitely get a mention in the next posts.
Let us talk about Bhagwaan, the gaming god, whom I will call Ret. Ret too is a KAANiya in the making. He needs to learn that it is not only his Ak or M4 in counter strike that fires efficiently, even the attached-6-inch-below-his-waist weapon is of use. If he doesn’t use it now, it will become redundant and might never work. Ret keeps getting red on a mere mention of a gal and this redness keeps spreading throughout his body. Ret is the blue eyed boy of the group. The chocolate boy whom the gals and the guys fantasize about alike. He has completed the holy grail and is now going to become a professional in a multinational company. Potli Babas first all male crush was Ret. Ret is instrumental in making us losers win the only thing in our otherwise waste of life in 4 yrs. Lets salute him.

P.s. KAANiya keep yourself under control.. I meant the real salute, KAANiya’s little soldier just needs a reason to fire. Keep him at ease!!!!

Fake IIT Engineer

2009-06-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

The furor created by the FIP has still not died. After the previous two posts, it is appropriate that I tell u something about the BHAIIIs that I have. All the characters depicted here are real, any resemblance to any person living is totally intentional.

KAANhiya has realized that his little soldier is busy standing in attention throughout the day, especially during his stints near the wall. Even though it has become a issue of concern in the social circle, it is a welcome news for all the BHAIIIs. It has been 22 years and finally the soldier has risen through the ranks. All the pep up talks by Judi Popo, the massages given by HalfINCHER, demos given by Sunny KaBAAP and radio frequency noises emitted from neighbors have helped KAANhiya realize the true potential. This soldier deserves a salute, it can stand in attention for 7 hours on the trot, firing missiles after missiles, making stamina draining runs of the training ground. The soldier has still not seen the field of battle (and there is little chance that it will), but with the intense training it has undergone, we can only hope that the enemies last the night. The freshly whitewashed walls of the Bangalore home of Judi Popo are proof enough.
Sunny KaBAAP is very happy to see his comrade KAANhiya join the cult of the () followers. “() gehri ()” is the universal mantra of achieving moksha in life according to Sunny KaBAAP. Sunny KaBAAP himself is going through a dry spell, which he promises is just a lull in otherwise a brilliant career. He has 9 medals of honor, some not so honorable but who are we to speak. His right hand biceps are proof enough of the amount of strain that the dry spell is causing him.

Judi Popo still revels in the joy of explaining the eternal truth of life rather than enjoying it himself. He has become the NEWTON of the science of Kama Sutra and is hoping a call from his dream destination PENThouse as a professor. He is also the Playboy Certified Pr101 Director for telling the exact cup size with one look.
Potli Baba urf Mota, is still busy being his bosses left hand, the hand which his boss uses only for 5 minutes in a day to achieve seconds of satisfaction. Potli Baba still doesn’t realize that not every way up the stairs starts by bending over. He has become immune to all sense of pain and is surely a subject of research for the future.
LALA urf bond, is again realizing that the weather is pleasant, the last time he realized about the weather, he was madly in love. This was 4 yrs back. With his ever-expanding belly providing a lot of competition to Potli Baba, it is only days till he can see the little MAJOR. The success he had in the IPL betting has helped him get back some of the lost pride, which he is putting on his shaadi.com profile too. The marriage is looming large, and with the fall of the little MAJORs efficiency, it is inevitable that LALA throws in the towel and concedes to the wishes of his folks.

LALAs soulmate Buchanan, is still smarting from his defeat at the IPL betting. IPL wasn’t a happy hunting ground for both the Buchanans. The original is getting fired. The duplicate is making more fundas to cover up the loses. The one of the reasons Buchanan is still a virgin is that all gals get bored of his fundas, and sleep waiting for the real action. The only lap dance Buchanan receives is from his MACINTOSH, the prime culprit helping him to derive his fundas.
Latest heard, the Buchanan brothers were emailing to bring up a funda for “why it took KAANhiya 22 years to find the seamUP deliveries”. Have fun.
The Prince of Google, the one, has returned to his castle, his subjects were waiting for him with rolls of joints in their hands. He is the modern generation DEVD. Ever since the love of his life PR-_-_A left for the US of A, his life has become a bed of rolls. A mere mention of her name is enough to send the orgasmatic fluids running across his body. Undisputedly the Prince is the most talented guy in all works of life, the only problem is that his icon is the legendary self destructing Ajit Agarkar. Prince is also the only student whom JudiPOPO couldn’t deviate towards Sunny KaBAAP camp of (). This DevD is currently working pro-bono teaching kids how to roll up joints.
Ross and Baniya Pahelwaan are out of sight but not out of mind. Ross is still studying how to show himself of a dehati turned foreigner. Last heard his speed of talking has decreased than the speed of light. Some words are actually making sense. Ross is also Buchanans “saut”. Baniya Pehalwaans family planning has reached even higher levels. He is the Salman Khan without a body but with the dialogues,”Aa mera BAccha”. Pehalwaan has also started using this on his PM, saying,” ho jayega mera baccha”. It is not going that well and he needs to stop it. Pehalwaan needs training under Sunny KaBAAP, on how to get a gal into bed in ten days.
The SEXY BOY, the boy toy of delhi is TOPPING the sex charts. His Sex-scripts are longer than the playboy journals. He is the hottest rage, with gals having a tough time keeping their instinct in check with him around, with fingers and hands disappearing to dark corners. The sexy boy is gunning to break the Guinness record for having made out in all public places possible. The only ones remaining are the middle of a cricket ground and his Delivery managers cubicle. Sunny KaBAAP is very happy that someone from the cult is making rivers flow.
This is small mention of our beloved pet, the only person of the group to be sent onsite, POMMY. He made a brief but memorable appearance during the opening match of the IPL. The municipal corporation of South Africa have released a shoot at sight order for POMMY. It is rumoured that the canine population has increased exponentially since his arrival.
These are the characters who have formed the basis of my life….. and my further stories.

(The most special Prince is missing from the entries.. but we miss him every moment).

The Ten Engineering Commandments (contd.)

2009-06-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

After the previous edition of the Commandments, i drew a lot of flak from various parts of the society. The lawyers are gunning for my head (they still are trying to get on the top of the list), the parents of the holy group of saints(the engineers) are filling FIRs, PILs. Even the church and the Pope are calling for bringing this blog down.(They are bored with banning Angels and Demons etc.)
Despite these drawbacks i am drawing all my courage to continue to write the secrets which are darker and more grim than the DaVinci Code.
To continue the commandments without much ado:

6) Maggi:
The eternal food of life. Never even in the wildest of my dreams had i thought that it would be the staple diet for me for 4 yrs. It is food for the night, after the exam, when we have money, even if we dont have money, if some one is treating, even if some one has loose motions. The food for all occasions. This is not addiction but dependence. The only food we can cook, since it involves no effort. Irrespective of what it is said on the maggi back about the constituents, we are alive after four years of only surviving on maggi day and night, this is proof enough that maggi is not poison. Maggi in truth are the real MANNA, drops of food from heaven sent by NESTLE to provide us with the courage to complete the arduous journey. (This journey is from the bed to the basin to brush my teeth everyday).
Nestle (Maggi is not a company, it is manufactured by nestle) is setting up a engineering college, to pay a tribute to the millions of engineers who have made this product reach the zenith of food chain, every student gets on maggi free a day, can we ask for nething more. A free degree and maggi a day, which keeps the doctor away. Was it apple well for me it is maggi.

7) Hoax Calls:
After a tiring hibernation full of finding excuses for not attending classes, not submitting assignments, not taking haircuts or changing clothes, the source of entertainment becomes mass smses and hoax calls. The reports of exam results being declared early for a semester is my weapon of mass destruction. Thankfully bush didn't know it or else :-). It drives me crazy to recall how every time the same hoax created a flutter to make students run in undergarments to the campus to check the results. This was followed by an sms that the "DEAN or the COE of the college has died", "NO RESULTS THIS WEEK", on the day that the results are actually going to be declared. Even news of a couple breaking up has been spread using the sms service, the couple in the meantime are on a romantic holiday enjoying each other. Yeah this is sadistic breed.
If the hostel has intercom in all rooms, then fellow Bhaiiis are doomed. Calling a random number late at night, and shouting in a course, deep and melancholy voice, "HELLO! main AMITABH BACHCHAN bol raha hoon kaun banega crorepati se, aap ke dost yahan HOT SEAT pe bethe hue hain, ......", is the start for the night. As the night goes wilder, the thoughts take a wild turn,"AKELE ho.. mujhse dosti karoge....OHHH yeaHHHH ", all the sufferer can do is bang his phone down. Somehow all these ideas come only on the exam nights.

8) Attendance:
Like the magic figure of passing marks, the figure of 75 is the number of the devil. It is the first of the only two milestones needed to be crossed in a semester. Second is the exams itself. So attendance is the only aim in our otherwise LAKSHYA-less life which is in our control. Getting the attendance to reach 75% requires a lot of proxy calls, cajoling the lectures to give a Present since otherwise it will ruin our careers (I still dont understand which career were we talking about) and trying to find the attendance records and tear them to bits and pieces. The short cut is to stay in your room, Hibernate, Do absolutely nothing, save on your pocket money, leech from the Bhaiiis and pay a fine to get to the examination centre.
I have 7 semesters of experience in paying fines for shortage of attendance, and i can say only one thing, it is like honey for bears.

9) D-Day:
The exams. This is reason why we engineers are respected in spite of the qualities i have just shared with you above. Take a scenario, the exam is of subject XYZ, (i dont remember what all crap i studied), on the next day around 9 am. The preparation consists of the following steps:

- Confirming XYZ. It is a waste to prepare for subject ABC when the exam is of XYZ. After a spate of sms and calls and visits to other fellow geeky guys and Bhaiiis we confirm that the exam is of subject XYZ. I have heard of guys preparing for subjects which were already cleared in previous semesters.

- Getting to know what the subject is about. This involves getting a brief overview of whether we have even an ounce of an idea about the subject that we are going to clear the next day.

- Course and the syllabus. Well since buying books is a taboo and making notes can get u a ban from the ENGINEERS CIRCLE for life, finding the geeks for the course or copy of notes is like searching for trophies in the Liverpool cabinet. (It doesn't exist.)

It takes a 12 hour period to complete the above mentioned, which gets us to only 9 hours till the exam. Then comes the slogging of a lifetime, staying awake the entire night (remember we have been hibernating for 11 months in the year), reading through texts and notes and consuming tea, coffee and the food of life.
During the hardcore session, the power naps, which turn into slumbers, have to be broken by the brothers of the fraternity.
The most common quote during the studies is, " Yaar yeh chapter course mein nahi hoga, aaj tak kabhie nahi dekha", as if we attended enough classes. The chapter is eventually dumped, only to realize that it was the most important chapter.

10) The EXAM:
Everyone reaches the hall on time. Yours truly after paying the attendance fine, has also paid fines for hall tickets lost. I have to get dramatic now:
Attendance Fine ---- Rs. 4000
Hall Ticket Lost Fine ---- Rs. 300
Tea/ Coffee/ Maggi costs ---- Rs. 100
Look on the face after seeing the exam paper ---- PRICELESS.
After getting the exam paper, starts a series of checks for the name of the subject. Even though it is the same subject that we had studies for, none of the questions make an iota of sense. "May be language is tamil or hebrew. But since i can read it, it has to be English.", this is the thought process.
An inspection across the examination hall shows that either everyone is suffering from an acute case of Alzheimer's or having the same fate as yourself. Since the exam is already a disaster, the only saving grace it to complete it the quickest and leave the examination room. This allows the face saver to come in,"40 minutes mein 3 ghante ka exam diya hoon, tab bhi pass ho jaunga". After the results, the only part worth remembering and oft repeaten are the 40 mins.

The confidence still doesnt take a sky-dive after screwing the exam. "THIS WAS THE UNIVERSITIES TOUGHEST EXAM", is the face saver at HOME. The confidence is not misplaced, as we invariably clear the exam.

This is what makes an ENGINEER, the confidence to stay high after a series of lows, the attitude of never say die, trusting in one another and letting others believe that we are good for nothing. I wouldn't exchange the past four years of my life for anything, and i can surely vouch that no engineer ever will.

THE TEN ENGINEERING COMMANDMENTS

2009-06-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone makes a big fuss out of an Engineer. “Our kid is an engineer”, boasts the parents, one look towards the red as an apple face of the kid gives the clear picture. The guy is thinking, “God don’t let them know that I did absolutely nothing and still got bestowed with the holy grail (the degree).” The latest WHO report on the occupation which utilize least brain have Engineers on No.1. The usage is stated at 15%, the most of it being used to analyze how to submit copied assignments or how to complete 75% attendance. We lead the lawyers by a mere margin of 3% (They rigged the polls).
The brotherhood of engineers is more compact and trusting since there are many common secrets.. The ten most common are:

Bhaiiii:
This doesn’t refer to dons or bhaigiri. The self realization of the lack of gals in engineering, plus since ANGOOR KHATTE HOTE hai, makes the male population stick together like Raina to Dhoni or Tom to Jerry. The greeting words like yaar, dude, bro change to BHAI. Every one is a BHAI. Even if u don’t know someones name, he is BHAI. You talk on phone to a BHAIII at home and the folks actually start wondering,”we just had two kids… where are the other siblings coming from”. MunnaBHAI further popularized the Bhaiii. Every engineer finds his CIRCUIT.. I have found mine. The advent of Bhaii also makes us part gay, the only thing that even after four years of no contact with the fairer sex except the lecturers doesn’t make us feel alien.

Bakar:
There are many forms in which this word is used: Bakchodi, Baketi, Bakar, BaatCheet. This is the best form of time pass which is an engineer’s pet hobby. The more we bakar the more we develop the self confessed fundas. Fundas are the basis of life which form the beginning and the end of our thought process. We develop a habit of having a reason for everything that happens around us (for eg if India lose T20-WC, it is due to overload, IPL and swinging pitches, if India win.. it is due to overload, IPL and swinging pitches). Secondly it helps us analyze the so called non-existent social life which we share. Thirdly it is the only source of information sharing and the contact with the news in the outside world, newspapers are something which are used only to check the listing of the movies in the halls. There are many more advantages which I would be listing in a separate blog. Yeah u are right, I have too much free time. I have been practically useless since my 10th.

Begging:
Even after becoming BHAIII, the pockets are always empty. Somehow as much money as we get from home never seems to last the semester. Since we can’t do hafta wasooli, the indigenous technique of yours truly is to leech money of the BHAII’s. The way of doing it without ever having to return the money is to ask for 5 bucks for a lime juice or an emergency. When days are real bad even a 2 buck treat for a Xerox works wonder. If this trick even works on 10 people, we have a mega-dinner ready. All there is to lose in this trick is your dignity and respect, which as an engineer we have already pledged to forego.

Hibernation :
This is the period of a semester in which no exams are going on. Basically the day the semester starts to the first day of the exams. The hibernation is a way of an engineer to get used to his surroundings and reinvigorate to fight the next examination. The wolves (the ones having or looking for GF’s .. the ratio of which drops to 5% after the first semester) are the only active breed. They hibernate too after facing rejection or realizing the futility of the hunt. Hibernation is mostly staying up whole night and preparing mentally to attend classes next day, only to realize that classes are a waste of time, we can learn more by simply looking at the revolving fan.

Cleanliness:
We are the unique breed who take self pride in winning competitions like “Who can sleep the most?”, or “How long can you wear the same clothes?”. The one task that takes the cake is “The Maximum days without a BATH.” I participated and lasted 19 days to hold the record for four years. Being the closely knit brigade we are, all my friends passed their hibernation in picking lice from the hair and body of the PRIDE of the GROUP, me. These lice are the fruit of the 15 days of laboring in not taking a bath. Who says we have not evolved from monkeys. There are rumors that the record has been upstaged by someone who performed the feat for a month. It is a nation-wide record. I ll confirm as the reports come in.

The rest of the commandments would be in my next post. That is all till now.

P.s. i will not post bout drugs or booze since that is common with all the fields..

Captain Marvel .. he is no MIDAS.. midas made mistakes.

2009-05-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, i have been a little on the rough side of the road. Lets just say my backside is hurting a lot. My team losing out in the IPL semis, my team finishing 2nd best (10 min were all we lasted) in the European Cup Final and then finishing fourth in a IPL prediction sheet. I can act like Saif and say GOD.. IT HURRRTTSSS.. coz some of my friends left no stone unturned in taking the self-boosting screw and shoving it right up my ar$e.
Well now we come on to the big fish. The WORLD CUP T20.
Well to put the bad news first, Captain Marvel would be without his most valuable resources from the last WC. The greatest indian fast bowler of all time, Ajit Agarkar.. we are going to miss him a lot. Agarkar was in KKR and still we hoped for a KKR victory .. lol. Secondly there is no JOGI, whom are we gonna bowl the last over, he is the captain trump card. I m getting goosebumps.. Then there is no appam .. we all know who he is ..Appam is still smarting from the comments he is getting after returning to india. Just heard that he is sending a plea to the PRESIDENT of India to change his name to DOSA, the sledger is becoming the sledged. Now even Symmonds is pulling Appams legs by asking for chutney since appam is too bland.
Even with all these GREATS missing, i still back Captain Marvel to get the cup back to India. He is the all time best captain india has ever had. There are already rumours from the Australian camp to protest against Captain Marvel playing. Even they are tried of losing to the GREAT INDIAN CAPTAIN MARVEL.
This boy from ranchi.. the man with the Golden touch .. just doesnt seem to lose. He defended a modest total of 117 against KINGS with utmost ease (though it did make Priety zinta cry and some one in Mangalore pee in his pants). It was a pleasant surprize to finally see him lose against BRC. Guess Katrina had somethin more to offer than Preity.
The Captain is the only indian to win an ODI series in Australia, the only captain to lead a team sans sehwag and sachin and win an ODI series in SRILANKA twice.. even when we with our fab four were humbled by ajantha mendis in the earlier test.
Self professed fans of cricket had written him of, only to find themselves TAKING A BOW. (which in the literal sense of the word is illegal in INDIA.. if u still cant understand.. well in a JAIL never bend to pick up the soap from the floor). Midas is something Captain Marvel is titled with, but MIDAS made mistakes. Captain Marvel is a perfectionist, the leader of the pack, the strategist who like a exprienced hunter keeps his cool and lets the hunted have a false sense of safety before pouncing and finishing of a KILL.

We want the cup back in INDIA. There was 007 to save the world. There is MAHI to save INDIA.

10 Mins is all it took

2009-05-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

Even a session in bed takes 11 minutes according to the author PAulo Coelho.
In Stadio Olimpico, the clash of titans, the Premier League Champs Manchester United were gunning for glory, pursuing a second successive European Tittle, something that no team had achieved. Against them stood a massive mountain, which all the now-calling-for-manutd-heads commentator had dismissed.

The first 10 minutes of the match were the only time when ManUtd were on the pitch contending for the match. After Samuel Etos goal, it became a nightmare for a Manutd fan. Our hopes were slowly buried pass by pass by the midfielders Xavi and Iniesta. Anderson, it seemed was throwing in a cage of hungry tigers and was running helter skelter, so over awed by the situation that he seemed completely misplaced. Even our regular Energizer Bunny on viagra, the THREE LUNGS PARK, (J.S. Park) seemed lost in the maze created by the Barcelona players.
We can always say that it was just not our day, but i guess we need to realize that we missed a ROY Keane on the pitch. We were outplayed, shaken and stirred (not what 007 had ordered) by a team that was supposed to have defenders on crutches.

Well i ll still be waiting, next year, as calm and relaxed, as a dog on a bench in a park, chasing a silver foil in the wind, which BARCA this year stole from us.

Even though we have the HATTRICK of English Crowns to feel happy about and three other trophies.. the Champions Of the WORLD, the Community Shield and the Carling CUP, we are cribbing about the UCL loss. I guess being a MAN UTD supporter it spoils us that even 4 trophies cannot satisfy us, and we look for something more than just 11 minutes....
Till then ..