Sunday, January 1, 2012

Just about time to turn....

I can think of no good reason to quit. It seems a waste of time to get rid of a harmless monkey and join in a charade to while away life. I had traded so much for those hours inside my head, that I had lost all tabs. It was a lonely and alone journey, either way, a decorated reality or a flawed illusion. There was no reason for me to switch lanes, and cut back to mundane, still, I had to follow those signs. The signs around me had changed or rather gotten hazier, more confused. Some had told me to keep straight towards obscurity, but some however scary, told me to come back into reality.
Though I never really know where I am going in life but there is a resonating feeling or a sign to convince me, that may be, just may be I am in a right direction. Times when signals echoed feelings and justified means. Everywhere I looked, I found hidden and well placed clues of fate. Never mattered if I was going through dense forests or dark tunnels or doors, something was telling me that I would find it. The pieces would themselves fit into place, all I was supposed to do was keep riding the wave. Nothing would ever go wrong, and even if it did, there would always have been a replay button, one last hit.
It has been different these few days. Something always has felt amiss. As if those squirrels tugging at nerves in my brain were being attacked by furious monkeys. There was a lurking fear that times were changing, had to catch a drift and let myself be blown away or stomp my foot down and try to weather ancient storm. It seemed like a game where levels had gotten tougher, time had decreased, yet I wished to complete more number of things. The ceaseless buzzing of a mosquito drowned noises inside my head, as I lay inside a cupboard, trying to justify to the voice that I had to stop listening to it for some time. There were no reasons.
Even after returning back to the horde, I would cherish those times inside my head. There were numerous things to relearn. I was returning to a world where money had replaced books as treasure. Not only would I have to forgo old rituals, but now make new routines, habits and indulgence. Replace innocence with a streak of ruthless, mask it with gentle false pretensions. Devote more time to others.
Before leaving no trails and wandering into unknown, I had to give one real try of coming back to life. Before I helped script another myth of a lost soul on a journey, I owed an attempt at a legend with my psychological Gremlins.

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