After the previous edition of the Commandments, i drew a lot of flak from various parts of the society. The lawyers are gunning for my head (they still are trying to get on the top of the list), the parents of the holy group of saints(the engineers) are filling FIRs, PILs. Even the church and the Pope are calling for bringing this blog down.(They are bored with banning Angels and Demons etc.)
Despite these drawbacks i am drawing all my courage to continue to write the secrets which are darker and more grim than the DaVinci Code.
To continue the commandments without much ado:
6) Maggi:
The eternal food of life. Never even in the wildest of my dreams had i thought that it would be the staple diet for me for 4 yrs. It is food for the night, after the exam, when we have money, even if we dont have money, if some one is treating, even if some one has loose motions. The food for all occasions. This is not addiction but dependence. The only food we can cook, since it involves no effort. Irrespective of what it is said on the maggi back about the constituents, we are alive after four years of only surviving on maggi day and night, this is proof enough that maggi is not poison. Maggi in truth are the real MANNA, drops of food from heaven sent by NESTLE to provide us with the courage to complete the arduous journey. (This journey is from the bed to the basin to brush my teeth everyday).
Nestle (Maggi is not a company, it is manufactured by nestle) is setting up a engineering college, to pay a tribute to the millions of engineers who have made this product reach the zenith of food chain, every student gets on maggi free a day, can we ask for nething more. A free degree and maggi a day, which keeps the doctor away. Was it apple well for me it is maggi.
7) Hoax Calls:
After a tiring hibernation full of finding excuses for not attending classes, not submitting assignments, not taking haircuts or changing clothes, the source of entertainment becomes mass smses and hoax calls. The reports of exam results being declared early for a semester is my weapon of mass destruction. Thankfully bush didn't know it or else :-). It drives me crazy to recall how every time the same hoax created a flutter to make students run in undergarments to the campus to check the results. This was followed by an sms that the "DEAN or the COE of the college has died", "NO RESULTS THIS WEEK", on the day that the results are actually going to be declared. Even news of a couple breaking up has been spread using the sms service, the couple in the meantime are on a romantic holiday enjoying each other. Yeah this is sadistic breed.
If the hostel has intercom in all rooms, then fellow Bhaiiis are doomed. Calling a random number late at night, and shouting in a course, deep and melancholy voice, "HELLO! main AMITABH BACHCHAN bol raha hoon kaun banega crorepati se, aap ke dost yahan HOT SEAT pe bethe hue hain, ......", is the start for the night. As the night goes wilder, the thoughts take a wild turn,"AKELE ho.. mujhse dosti karoge....OHHH yeaHHHH ", all the sufferer can do is bang his phone down. Somehow all these ideas come only on the exam nights.
8) Attendance:
Like the magic figure of passing marks, the figure of 75 is the number of the devil. It is the first of the only two milestones needed to be crossed in a semester. Second is the exams itself. So attendance is the only aim in our otherwise LAKSHYA-less life which is in our control. Getting the attendance to reach 75% requires a lot of proxy calls, cajoling the lectures to give a Present since otherwise it will ruin our careers (I still dont understand which career were we talking about) and trying to find the attendance records and tear them to bits and pieces. The short cut is to stay in your room, Hibernate, Do absolutely nothing, save on your pocket money, leech from the Bhaiiis and pay a fine to get to the examination centre.
I have 7 semesters of experience in paying fines for shortage of attendance, and i can say only one thing, it is like honey for bears.
9) D-Day:
The exams. This is reason why we engineers are respected in spite of the qualities i have just shared with you above. Take a scenario, the exam is of subject XYZ, (i dont remember what all crap i studied), on the next day around 9 am. The preparation consists of the following steps:
- Confirming XYZ. It is a waste to prepare for subject ABC when the exam is of XYZ. After a spate of sms and calls and visits to other fellow geeky guys and Bhaiiis we confirm that the exam is of subject XYZ. I have heard of guys preparing for subjects which were already cleared in previous semesters.
- Getting to know what the subject is about. This involves getting a brief overview of whether we have even an ounce of an idea about the subject that we are going to clear the next day.
- Course and the syllabus. Well since buying books is a taboo and making notes can get u a ban from the ENGINEERS CIRCLE for life, finding the geeks for the course or copy of notes is like searching for trophies in the Liverpool cabinet. (It doesn't exist.)
It takes a 12 hour period to complete the above mentioned, which gets us to only 9 hours till the exam. Then comes the slogging of a lifetime, staying awake the entire night (remember we have been hibernating for 11 months in the year), reading through texts and notes and consuming tea, coffee and the food of life.
During the hardcore session, the power naps, which turn into slumbers, have to be broken by the brothers of the fraternity.
The most common quote during the studies is, " Yaar yeh chapter course mein nahi hoga, aaj tak kabhie nahi dekha", as if we attended enough classes. The chapter is eventually dumped, only to realize that it was the most important chapter.
10) The EXAM:
Everyone reaches the hall on time. Yours truly after paying the attendance fine, has also paid fines for hall tickets lost. I have to get dramatic now:
Attendance Fine ---- Rs. 4000
Hall Ticket Lost Fine ---- Rs. 300
Tea/ Coffee/ Maggi costs ---- Rs. 100
Look on the face after seeing the exam paper ---- PRICELESS.
After getting the exam paper, starts a series of checks for the name of the subject. Even though it is the same subject that we had studies for, none of the questions make an iota of sense. "May be language is tamil or hebrew. But since i can read it, it has to be English.", this is the thought process.
An inspection across the examination hall shows that either everyone is suffering from an acute case of Alzheimer's or having the same fate as yourself. Since the exam is already a disaster, the only saving grace it to complete it the quickest and leave the examination room. This allows the face saver to come in,"40 minutes mein 3 ghante ka exam diya hoon, tab bhi pass ho jaunga". After the results, the only part worth remembering and oft repeaten are the 40 mins.
The confidence still doesnt take a sky-dive after screwing the exam. "THIS WAS THE UNIVERSITIES TOUGHEST EXAM", is the face saver at HOME. The confidence is not misplaced, as we invariably clear the exam.
This is what makes an ENGINEER, the confidence to stay high after a series of lows, the attitude of never say die, trusting in one another and letting others believe that we are good for nothing. I wouldn't exchange the past four years of my life for anything, and i can surely vouch that no engineer ever will.
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